The stubble of the grass turning to hay scratches the back of my neck like your chin in the early morning, when I arise before you and you try to pull me back to bed, wrapping your arm around my middle and snuggling closer. I stretch my legs out, daisies tickling my bare ankles, my socks tucked into my shoes, left haphazardly next to me in the grass.
The clouds dance, a waltz in the air, so breathtaking you can’t take your eyes off them, intertwining with each other before pulling away, returning, leaving. The pale blue of an approaching dusk spread across the sky, fading away to let the dance take centre stage. Orange rays cast a spotlight, wrapping the clouds in a layer of light so delicate, you might miss it if you blink.
My shoes dangle from my fingers, my toes traversing the soft terrain as I slowly walk to the path. My skirt clings to my legs with the gentle breeze, and I feel your soft touch as you hold me, your hands rough, but unable to cause harm. A glance towards the sun bathes my face in a light that makes me squint, the ever setting sun sending oranges and pinks across the sky, too beautiful to look away from, no matter how much the light may hurt my eyes.
The shadows lengthen on the ground. The world that exists only when there is light, but only in its absence, growing steadily taller and thinner. The directions a signpost provide become untrustworthy, its hidden, darker form moving, still offering directions, but not telling you where you are going. A path with no clear destination, and yet, we blindly follow, with hope in our hearts. Every path has to lead somewhere, and it’s all we can do to cross our fingers and touch wood that the ending will be one we desire.
My footsteps are quiet on the path, people walking this way and that, knowing where they are going. It matters not when they arrive, only that they enjoy the journey as they all inevitably pause at one moment or another to take in the dimming light of the day coming to a close. In the low hum of chatter I hear your voice, calling me forwards, and I blindly follow. In the sound of your voice I feel safety, a warmth the sun can’t provide after it has set, a security I believe in more than trusting the moon to make way for the sun tomorrow morning.
A small gate, one that has known too many stories to count, fleeting moments in people’s lives as they pass through. Such a trivial object, a wooden construction on the side of a path, its planks weathered and worn, ignored and passed by most, and yet, there are a few who cannot traipse the path without acknowledging it. It separates two worlds, a well traveled path and a track only visible by the line of grass that lays flat against the ground instead of standing tall. The world where everything is known, and sturdy, and the world where you could walk through with a spring in your step, watching the setting sun against the wildflowers, or where a small hole, hidden from your sight, could roll your ankle and leave you with the only option available – walk on, pushing through the pain, because there is no one around to help you.
The wind was not strong enough to break the small flowers, standing tall on their thin stalks, despite how fragile they appeared. Their colourful heads swayed gently back and forth to a soundless music, and with the slow rocking I could feel you tapping me on the shoulder, revealing a little yellow flower, held carefully between your fingers, when I turned around to face you. I mirrored your smile as you tucked it behind my ear, caressing my cheek so tenderly I wasn’t sure if it was the touch of your fingers or the petals of the flower.
In the daytime, when the world seems as it should be, everything is bright, full of life, hope, joy and normalcy. When the sun sets, though, everything changes. The people on the streets change, the lights, the colours. The clouds change from white, floating in a shallow pool, to black, lurking in an unfathomable darkness. A strange feeling sets in, telling you that you should be seeking shelter, safety, for darkness is where danger lies. An instinct of a defenceless prey species, perhaps, or from childhood, and parents calling you inside when it starts getting dark.
At the end of the field is another gate, metal, unlike the wooden one. One temporary, one permanent, as if I had the choice to turn back, to return to the wooden gate and pass back through, but as soon as I was on the other side of the metal gate, all hope would be lost for my return, and I would remain on the other side forever. I looked down at the small collection of wildflowers I gently grasped in my hand, a few already starting to wilt. Life was so fleeting, anything could come along at any moment, and suddenly, you are gone.
The sun spilled its remaining energy across the ground, the moon taking the crown as it rose to look over its newfound kingdom. The light it gave was cold, chilling the metal gate in the few moments it took me to reach for the latch, and as I stepped through, the sun slipped away.
“Hi.” I lowered myself to the ground, and crossed my legs, pulling my jumper a little tighter around my shoulders to ward off the cooling breeze before it could reach me. “I brought you these.” The flowers, despite their wilting petals, gave a small reminder of life, of what could be, as I set them on the hard ground next to the stone I couldn’t bear to look at. What need was there of a reminder to tell me you were gone? I carried that around in my heart without two sets of dates to let everyone know you would never wake up to pull me back into bed again, never hold my hand and point up at the clouds, laughing over our different interpretations of shapes. You would never give me another flower, or hold your hand up to mine to make a heart in the shadows.
“Happy birthday. I love you.”
And done!
I watched this after watching tick, tick... BOOM for the first time, which might be why it's pretty lyrical and poetic. Also, probably why the ending is kind of depressing.
Side note, tick, tick... BOOM is an absolutely amazing film, I have been singing the songs for days, and have been rewatching it whenever I have moments to do so. You should watch it.
Anyway, that's all for now...
Bye!
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